| The Other Boleyn Girl |
[Aug. 29th, 2009|06:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  alive and kicking | ] |
Sorry for the long radio silence, but we're finally back with another sporking! We know we announced "Ben Hur", but somehow we couldn't find the time to do a +3 hours epic, so it's Justin Chadwick's The Other Boleyn Girl instead since Tudor history is all the rage these days.
A technical remark before we start: We've decided to no longer announce in advance which movie we're going to do next. We are planning to keep sporking (hopefully with no more lengthy pauses), so please keep the suggestions coming!
Thank you all for not abandoning us during the long hiatus – we hope today's sporking was worth the wait ;-) And now, on with the show!
Disclaimer: We're aware that this movie is based on a novel by Philippa Gregory, but since neither of us is masochistic enough to touch any of her works ever again, this sporking is exclusively about the movie version; we won't take into account whether the movie is true to the book or how much history rape the book itself contains.
( Two girls, one king ) |
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| Elizabeth - The Golden Age |
[Feb. 28th, 2008|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
Okay, so we've really, really been looking forward to doing this one. The first movie was spork-worthingly bad already, but we guess that Shekan Kapur's Elizabeth – The Golden Age will remain unsurpassed, headdesking- and teeth-grinding-wise. For a while, at least.
As always, bring your own spork to it!
( No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! )
Next time, we'll go back in time a bit, both in movie history and in the historical period the movie deals with William Wyler's Ben Hur. |
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| The Last Legion |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|02:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
Happy New Year, everybody! We're back with the sporking of Doug Lefler's The Last Legion. No grinding of teeth here, just a lot of giggling and a bit of headdesking :)
( Once upon a time in Britannia )
Since we already sporked the original "Elizabeth" movie a while ago, of course we won't spare the sequel either – Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth – The Golden Age is next on our to-do list! |
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| 300 |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|10:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
Sorry it took us so long to update, but Zach Snyder's 300 has been sitting like a block in our path, which already tells you everything you need to know about our opinion of this movie.
Disclaimer: Yes, we know the movie is based on a comic book. No, this doesn't excuse anything. You want fantasy, you create fantasy. "Lord of the Rings" is forever safe from historical sporking. Anything that uses real names, events etc. meddles with history and is therefore game.
( Don't blame the Spartans, passerby… )
Okay, for our next sporking we want something really funny without any need for gnashing of teeth, therefore we'll spork a movie that recently sent us into fits of giggles at the movie theatre: Doug Lefler's The Last Legion. |
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| The Adventures of Robin Hood |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|04:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
Today's sporking session is pure fun, with lots of hairstyling issues - because we all went nostalgic over William Keighley's and Michael Curtiz' Adventures of Robin Hood, featuring Errol "The Perm" Flynn and Olivia "Miss Tinfoil" de Havilland! Come join us for a bit of swashbuckling spork! :)
( A Perm For All Seasons )
Next time, it's going to be *brace themselves* Zack Snyder's 300, subject to the condition that the movie's released on DVD over here already! Otherwise... we're sure we'll find a replacement ;D |
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| Tristan + Isolde |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|04:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Sorry for the long delay – but we're back at last to take a stab at Kevin Reynold's Tristan + Isolde, winner of this decade's Pointless Anachronism Award. As always, bring your own spork and join in!
( Kiss me, I'm Irish! )
As to our plans for future sporkings, we see the number 300 looming on the horizon... but until this one comes out on DVD and forces us to grind out teeth into powder, we're determined to have as much fun as we can. Therefore, up next is the mother of all swashbuckling flicks, Michael Curtiz' and William Keighley's Adventures of Robin Hood. Yes, the one with Errol Flynn! |
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| The Man in the Iron Mask |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|04:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rushed | ] |
This year's last spork features Randall Wallace's Man in the Iron Mask. Since this is History Spork, not Literature Spork, we haven't paid that much attention to the raping of Dumas' novel (as much as there's left of it in this movie) – there was enough other stuff to keep us busy...
( A Brother, a Captain, a King )
Next time, it'll be Kevin Reynold's Tristan & Isolde.
In the meantime, a Happy New Year to all our readers! |
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| Anastasia |
[Oct. 14th, 2006|04:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Today, it's our first attempt at sporking an animated movie, Don Blyth's and Gary Goldman's Anastasia. Brace yourself...
( Ra – Ra – Rasputin... )
Okay, we need to make up for the trauma we suffered here, so the next one will definitely be fun to spork: it will be Randall Wallace's Man in the Iron Mask! |
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| Titanic |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|04:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cynical | ] |
As many of you requested, today's victim is James Cameron's Titanic, blockbuster of the decade and tear-jerker extraordinaire!
To be perfectly honest, we were a bit sceptical about this movie's historical sporking potential because the makers did quite a thorough job with the facts, and we're not that interested in pointing out that they might have used the wrong kind of screws for set 573 (which we would have had to look up anyway ;) But holy cow, the social issues! It quickly turned out there was more than enough material after all...
Besides, we don't think we've ever abused so many different movie quotes in a sporking before – bonus points to anyone who spots them all!
( But why is the diamond gone? )
To make up for all the history we didn't get to spork here, next up is the 1997 cartoon version of Anastasia. |
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| First Knight |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|04:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
Today's sporking victim is another movie that suffers from the "what is this girl, blind?" syndrome – Jerry Zucker's First Knight. As always, bring your own spork and join in, there's definitely enough for everyone in this movie ;)
( I'm too sexy for my armour. )
As the clear winner of our poll, the next sporking victim will be James Cameron's Titanic. |
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| German bonus sporking: Der Schatz im Silbersee |
[May. 22nd, 2006|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
This is a sort of bonus sporking for the German-speaking part of our readership. In honour of fellow sporker ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) cutecoati's birthday, we, cloudlessnights and fourth_rose, have set out to spork a movie that has probably been a part of every childhood spent in a German-speaking country ever since the 1960ies: Harald Reinl's Der Schatz im Silbersee, the first in a string of movies featuring the (in)famous heroes Winnetou & Old Shatterhand, loosely based on the works of good old Karl May. If you know what we're talking about, bring your own spork tomahawk and join us on the warpath...
Ich Old Shatterhand, du Winnetou
To those who don't speak German, don't worry, this is a one-time occurrence. As promised, we'll soon be back with the (English!) sporking of Jerry Zucker's First Knight. |
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| The Three Musketeers |
[Mar. 25th, 2006|03:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
This time, our victim is one of the numerous movies raping dealing with both history and literature – Stephen Herek's The Three Musketeers that triggered the revival of the swashbuckling genre back in 1993, much to the delight of future sporkers. Besides, most of this movie was shot right at our doorstep, so what's not to love?
Have fun – and as always, bring your own spork and join right in!
( My name is Alexandre Dumas. You killed my novel. Prepare to die! )
Next time, we'll move back in time in regard to both topic and production date – we'll have a go at Stanley Kubrick's Spartacus. |
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| Sound of Music |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|03:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
Once again, we have to apologize for not updating sooner – but we ran into a few problems in preparation of this sporking.
Has anyone ever tried to rent Robert Wise's Sound of Music in Austria?
It goes like this:
cutecoati (on the phone): Do you have "Sound of Music"?
Video store guy: You want what?
cutecoati: "Sound of Music"...?
Video store guy: Wow, you're perverse.
cutecoati: Hey, I didn't ask for extra-kinky porn or something!
Video store guy: Oh, that wouldn't be a problem.
Even though the following isn't kinky in any way, we feel we should add a warning, given that many people seem to like this movie: if you think we were harsh in our sporking of "Braveheart" – you ain't seen nothing yet...
( Edelweiss, Edelweiss... spare our homeland forever. )
Since we feel we've suffered enough for another while now, the next instalment will be pure fun – it will be Stephen Herek's The Three Musketeers (which even has a connection to today's posting because the movie was shot in Austria ;-) |
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| Elizabeth |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|03:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cranky | ] |
Before we delve into the mess that is Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth, we have to announce that we're not going to do "Shakespeare in Love". We're really sorry about this because so many of you asked for it, but we gave it a try, and it just doesn't work – since this movie has so many parody elements, it's impossible to say which things were deliberate and which are actual historical mistakes :-(
We present another foray into Elizabethan England instead...
( Let's do the time warp again! )
The next instalment will, by popular demand, be Robert Wise's Sound of Music. We hope you really appreciate what we're willing to do for your entertainment ;-) |
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| Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves |
[Oct. 8th, 2005|03:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Sorry for the long delay - but we're finally back, together with cloudlessnights! After all the suffering we've put you through with the last sporkings, it's time for some fun now. Therefore, we've giggled our way through Kevin Reynold's Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves.
Disclaimer: Neither of us is a big fan of Kevin Costner, but there's one thing to be said in his favour.
He's not Mel Gibson.
( It's not easy being green... )
After this fun session, the next instalment will once again have less legend and more history: it will be Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth. |
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| The Patriot |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|03:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
cloudlessnights is still on vacation. We're suspecting that she's actually trying to avoid Mel Gibson - because today's sporking victim is Roland Emmerich's "The Patriot".
Disclaimer #1: Expertise-wise, we're rather out of our depth with this one since our field of study is European history. We trust you Americanists out there to point out anything we missed or got wrong.
Disclaimer #2: It's rather hard to judge this movie's historical accuracy because the makers cleverly tried to avoid fact-based criticism by mixing several historical persons into their main protagonist and then hiding this mess under a fictional name. The character of Benjamin Martin, played by Mel, is mostly based on Francis Marion, but also includes elements of Daniel Morgan, Andrew Pickens, and Thomas Sumter. Also, the main baddy, Col. William Tavington, is based on the real Col. Banastre "The Butcher" Tarleton; why they bothered to rename him at all is beyond us (the theory's around that some elements of Patrick Ferguson had been added into the mix, but Ferguson was too positive a character). Marion was changed into Martin during the scriptwriting process because they wanted to leave out some rather, well, unpleasant aspects of his character (convenient, isn't it?). Of course, we won't let them get away with any of this ;-)
( Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Clichés )
We feel that we all have suffered enough for a while now: therefore, in the next instalment we'll have some fun with Kevin Reynold's Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. |
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| Braveheart |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|03:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
This time, it's just the two of us because cloudlessnights is on vacation. And honestly, we were starting to envy her while we were watching Mel Gibson's Braveheart. Expect an unusual amount of venom in this one… and as always, make sure to join in!
Btw, added pictures are a result of our trip to Scotland from which we've just returned!
( The Passion of the Wallace )
The next instalment will be Roland Emmerich's "The Patriot" - and then we're done with Mel Gibson. |
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| King Arthur |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|03:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
This time, we bravely faced the atrocity that is Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur in the director's cut version.
Disclaimer: Unlike the other movies we've sporked before, we really didn't like this one. While many history movies try to include some sort of message, "King Arthur" has Issues. Very 21st century Issues. So expect a very 21st century reaction here and there...
As always, don't forget to bring your own spork and join in!
( I wonder what the King is doing tonight... )
Since we're going to Scotland in a few days, the next update won't be before the end of July – and inspired by our destination, it's going to be Mel Gibson's Braveheart! |
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| Troy |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|03:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
So it's Wolfgang Petersen's Troy now!
This one was pretty hard to do because the ultimate parody of the movie itself has already been done by cleolinda.
Besides, it's not so much about history but about the butchering of the Iliad...
We've done our very best but there's just too much material to cover it all, so bring your own spork and join in!
( Sing, oh Goddess, the anger of Brad Pitt... )
If you want to keep track of what is really going on in the Iliad, there's some useful information here and here.
Next instalment will be Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur. |
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